A long time ago I worked for an ISP as Tier 1 technical support. This is just one of many stories I have from my time here. These were originally published elsewhere on the internet, but are being reworked and republished here.

Sometimes, the degree of insanity in a conversation can reach such a fever pitch that it is hard to recover. Sometimes, people can say things that leave you so flabbergasted that you aren’t sure if you’re being trolled or not. This was one of those times.

It was another boring grind at AverageISP Tier 1 Technical support. I was getting very bored and was browsing Reddit as usual. Finally, my phone rings towards the end of the night.

I’ll just transcribe the call.

Me: ‘Good evening, you’re through to the AverageISP technical support team, my name is Kevin, how can I help?’

Caller: ‘Uhhh yes my uhhhh phone isn’t working’

Me: ‘Okay no problem sir, can I start by taking your telephone number?’

Caller: ‘uhhh…er……uhhh……….ummmmm….0161..I think….6549864’

This brought up an account on our systems, so far so good

Me: ‘Okay thank you for that information and could you please provide me with your full name?’

Caller: ‘Uhh….My name is uhh……..Sarah..no wait…David Dodgyman’

Slightly suspicious me thinks… Let’s check.

Me: ‘Can you provide me with your full address including postcode’

Caller: ‘uhh my address..give me a few minutes……………..’

Caller: <gives address but seems unsure and doesn’t know postcode>

Me: ‘Okay thank you sir and can I take your date of birth?’

Caller: ‘I don’t know my date of birth’

Alright enough is enough, company policy being what it is, time to terminate the call.

Me: ‘Then unfortunately sir I am unable to speak to you regarding this account but I will run a line test for you since you have reported a fault and I will book it to be fixed if it fails’

Caller: ‘THATS ABSOLUTELY F****** RIDICULOUS’

Me: ‘all I can do is apologize sir..’

Caller: ‘F****** HELL THESE F****** ROMANIANS COMING FROM ROMANIA TAKING OUR BRITISH JOBS’

…Wat? My brain pretty much just BSOD’d at this point

Me: ‘Sir…I’m Welsh’

Caller: ‘WHAT’S BEING WELSH GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?’

Me: ‘What’s being Romanian got to do with anything sir?’

Caller: ‘ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING A RACIST?’

Me: ‘No sir I am simply trying to establish how Romania is relevant to this discussion’

Caller: ‘WELL I BET THE DATA PROTECTION LAW WAS PUT IN PLACE TO PROTECT PEOPLE FROM THOSE F****** ROMANIANS’

Me: ‘Sir the data protection act was implemented around the turn of the century to protect your information-’

And was mainly written by the British, but that’s a different fight altogether kermittea.jpg.

Caller: ‘THATS F****** RIDICULOUS - I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER’ Me: ‘Sir because you are not the account holder nor a customer I will not honor that request and I am now terminating this call, thanks for calling-’

Caller: ‘F*** YO..’

Automated survey: Thanks for calling AverageISP today, we’d like to ask you a few questions about your experience today…

Let me know what you thought! Hit me up on Mastodon at @kn100@fosstodon.org.